IM GOING TO STAB MYSELF IN THE FOOT I JUST SENT MY ENGLISH TEACHER MY ESSAY ON HAMLET AND IT WAS STILL NAMED “the fresh prince of denmark yo holla”
oh man, i love receiving unedited final drafts:
cracks me up every time
When people with bad grammar try to insult you like
pro tip: don’t name your fish after band members because one time my dad called me to tell me gerard died and i started crying
Nuggets of gold in 140 characters or less.
Teacher - did you do anything nice during Summer?
Me - oh yeah, I went to L.A, New York, Miami and did a bunch of photoshoots
i couldnt find my headphones and its late at night
solution: get a stethoscope and put it up to the speaker with the computer on low volume
if i cant find my headphones what makes you think im going to find a stethoscope just lying around
hyperbole is my favorite literary device i use it like 600 times a day
an sentence like this makes me feel uncomfortable
"It’s pronounced like jif"
Yeah well I don’t gif a fuck